Dream on

Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even my Mother in Law.  And what, to my surprise, was on my mind as I awoke? Absolutely nothing, and that is no joke.

The house is a whirl of sugar and gifts. My plans to blog lessons met up with new twists. My dreams were not sugar plum fairies and fun, but rather anxiety, lost in the Sun. There I was on the beach with my husband in France, and then in a flash, the dark side of Paris - off in a trance.  The strangers were helpful, but my memory lost, and their quizzical looks did come at a cost. My panic was growing as I jumped on the train, only to think "is this route insane?" Now I'm wandering Paris at a loss for direction, and growing concern this will lead to rejection. My purse and my friends are still on the beach. My memory for names has moved further from reach.

Then slowly and gently reality sets, and I open my eyes wondering is this a test?  Sure there's stress and a sweet tooth, hormones and more..all the triggers disrupting our brilliance of yore.  But is this dream a fair warning to watch what I eat? Or a deep inner knowing of early defeat?

The lesson I planned was “to be in the now”, but I woke like a zombie who’s questioning how.  The excess of Christmas slows my brain to a crawl. Thoughts wander restlessly in this future mall. For anxiety hangs in the future you see. What if? What then and where will I be? That fear of the future steals NOW like a crime. Will prayer, meditation restore me to prime? Should I laugh off the dream and ignore what it means? Or take early action to fit in my jeans? The triple blind studies, it’s all coming back…My brains high performance won’t cut any slack. For five pounds lost there’s significant boost and it’s only a bonus that belts may be loosed.

Then who but depression comes out of the past? Taunting and poking "your Joy cannot last". Reminders come flowing of Loved Ones who died. With memories of loss, then again I cried. And then, even worse, my pants will not zip, and my mind goes plumb wild on this miserable trip. We're surrounded by media warnings galore, if your thighs touch together, your life is a chore.   And then with a laugh the absurdity hits, my perspective's been blown into too many bits.  Our cells will react to it all just the same – tragedy and death - or a tiny weight gain.

So let's pull together and choose where we are, the past in depression or the future too far. With a mindful sigh and a deep breath in, find Love in the moment. Hold it there with a pin. To attract all that’s good, “be here now” is the motto, or watch life pass you by while you wait for the Lotto.

And with that, I’m off. Yes, off in a good way – to be here now.

-Pam