When you consider the states of mind that have the greatest impact on our “Will to Live”, you will find they are all derived from the far end of a continuum defined by Love (nurturing) and Fear (depleting). From what I have witnessed, the fear of being a Burden and/or burdened ranks among the most intense for impact on wellness. Shame, Grief and Resentment are nearby neighbors on the scale of energy vacuums. All of these interfere with the attraction of abundance (success, love, wealth, contentment, joy, wellness).
Burden is a fabricated state of mind, and thus reversible to those who are attuned to mindfulness, authenticity and self love. But even the best of gurus experience their human moments of self doubt, and at some point question whether they have burdened another.
The challenge I pose to you, is to lighten the sense of burden for a fellow human. It may be as simple as reinforcing to your child what a joy they are in your life, despite the spilled milk. Perhaps you are caregiver to someone and truly finding them to be a burden on the life you had planned. Take two steps. First, ask for help to relieve you a bit. Second, assign your parent, patient or child a task that is within their reach and valuable to you, to reinforce their sense of contribution and place in this life. It may be as simple as folding towels or as complex as designing your next dream house. Notice how adding to their sense of worth will lift up your heart.
Despicable Me is a favorite among my animated movies. I particularly enjoy when the disappointing Mother finally tells her grown son "you have done well". The title resonated with the label I applied to the furthest end of the Love-Fear spectrum. Where self talk has carried us to the furthest depths of distortion and worthlessness, I had written "despicable me" as the predominant mindset.
Robin Williams, with his Parkinson's diagnosis layered upon a distorted self perception, likely only envisioned the burden he would pose as his dis-ease progressed. Yet his worth to our world remained boundless. The goodness in his passing has been the tremendous awareness of the need for attention to those in similar states of mind.
Mind disruption is experienced in levels. Medical attention is called for in the most severe of cases. But what about the smaller distortions? Being mindful and able to accurately label our feelings and release the small and large self angers, resentments and distortions of thought is attainable. Trauma release through rapid resolution therapies such as EMDR, ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) and other Professionally administered techniques is recommended.
Data supports the effectiveness of meditation, yoga, Tapping, Heart Forgiveness programs and techniques that in essence heal the fight or flight centers of the brain and assist in releasing accumulated negative energy of old experiences that no longer serve us. Letting go of the past takes more than simply stating we have done so.
When you are able to identify and label burden in yourself or another, take action. Within yourself, consider learning Tapping techniques - a quick way to diffuse the negative charge. When it is evident that another is experiencing being a burden - do not state that label to them. Instead, shift the conversation to conveying how they are providing you a sense of joy during this time of giving. But only if this is true. If you are feeling burdened, then pray, meditate or tap away first. Find what works for you.
To my Warrior Women and anyone in any state of recovery, know that Giving IS Receiving. Your friends are, for the most part, honored and benefit from their time with you. Asking for help is challenging to most. Do accept it when it is offered. Don't judge those who become distant at this time. It is not personal. Giving is NOT nurturing unless done with love, so there is mental training required when family obligations take over the life we had planned. Make this time serve you.
Last night I scheduled to visit my friend going through Chemo and Radiation nearby. I was looking forward to catching up, but also knowing I enjoy when I have offered to be of service picking up dinner or just listening. What a wonderful surprise when she turned the tables and took me out to dinner and encouraged me to tell her about my travels and personal challenges. It meant the world to me. I left with a beautiful memory. And I knew that for this night the idea that she would be a burden to anyone was banished.
These are the moments that build a life well lived. -Pam 8/20/2014
Rewiring of my brain is a tempting option. Neurostimulation in the form of an innocent supplement, for only one day mind you, has already proven more of a change than I'm willing to embrace. It had the enticing benefit of reforming me into a clean freak with a sudden urge for order and closure. I confidently stepped into a client consult that day and bombed. All my usual intuition and empathy was out the door, replaced by a keen ability to hear all of the words spoken - rather than my usual awareness of what needed attention between the lines. I had sacrificed my greatest talent - intuition, to be more like others I admired.
Nobody will ever be all things to all people, so human nature has most of us wanting the talents we are missing, rather than leveraging those we were born with.
My authentic self is spontaneous, adaptable, quick to the bottom line summary, whimsical, soul-full, brilliant under pressure and deadlines, tender hearted, easily depleted by routine and structure. Sounds great, right? Wrong. By current societal standards and measures all of that may add up to Attention Deficit. Throw in Auditory Learning Disability, disorganized, impulsive, and generally low on the filters needed for refined business behaviors.
Neuroscience has advanced to allow measurement of our brain function and provide us with the resources to make changes. There are options from exercises to rewire through electronic stimulation of key points. Pain management is a great use of the latter. Or for the correction of chemo brain decline. Or disease and dementia reversals. But not the revision of our innate God given wiring, in my opinion. It is a personal choice to change our brain, but so often it is a decision made by others we respect, perhaps even before we are of an age to decide for ourselves.
Wouldn't life be easier if we were all alike? Oh, dear God no. Volumes of evidence support the fact that productivity requires a diversity of players on any team striving for a goal. Yet traditional (U.S.) education systems are structured to reward the most organized and detailed auditory learners. History has shown that is not the nature of our most prized Entrepreneurs, Presidents, Scientists and World Leaders. It is certainly not the innate side of our artists, craftsmen and skilled laborers. Those who are fortunate rise above the social norms and thrive with their talents. The less fortunate turn to medications to adapt, never learning how to apply their natural talents in our world and often feeling displaced, perhaps just getting by on support and subsidies.
Just for today, whether society validated your talents or you are a member of the larger pool of outliers, take a moment to recognize and express your genuine appreciation of the deliverables and differences in a friend or co-worker. And while you are at it, offer a word of thanks to yourself. You are perfect.
- Pam 8/13/2014
Writing to you, knowing how unique our viewpoints may be. When resisting, ask yourself "What Else is Possible?". My experience and personal truth in any moment is just that - mine for you to consider. All Things are Possible - ATAP